Nostalgic is the word to describe this week. I made the decision to make memory books for the boys to go with their memory boxes.

I am putting different things in the boxes that mean something to Jacob and Lewis. For example, Jacob's box has a little jade tortoise to remind him of a time we went to buy a tortoise.

I am trying to make them sensory, so they will each have a little bottle of my perfume.

There are also some music CDs, which I used to train to when I was an aerobics instructor.

They would jump around with me to the music.

Jacob has also got a little St Christopher that says 'Love Always, Mum' and Lewis has a trophy that says 'To The World's Most Perfect Youngest Son'.

I have spent a lot of time this week sorting through every photograph of the boys I have so I can make the memory books. It's amazing how much we have done together.

I want them to have albums so they can go through them and see how happy their lives have been. I am hoping I have given them a really good grounding for their future.

I went to see my surgeon this week and found out that my surgery to have my breast reconstructed can go ahead, which is exciting. I really wanted to have my left breast removed and then have both reconstructed so they were symmetrical. That's really important to me.

But the surgeon said I should not put my body through unnecessary trauma, which I understand. He said there is a high risk of getting breast cancer in my left breast but he said that would be the least of my worries.

It was a little bit disconcerting to hear the surgeon talking about my terminal state like that. Although the cancer is with me every moment, I think I have been in practical mode, keeping busy.

I also registered this week with the St Barnabas Hospice in Durrington. The nurse said that does not mean my death is imminent, it just opens me up to the support.

When I get on with things I feel like a fraud because everyone is so kind to me. Then I wake up to how ill I really am.

My attitude has changed a bit, I can't be bothered with anyone who is negative and miserable.

All those clichs about life being too short mean so much to me now.

I have been in work this week and have managed to help set up two youth groups, which I am really proud of. It's really strange at work because I am really excited about certain projects but one in particular I have backed off from because I don't think I will be there to see it through, which I have found difficult. The youth service has been such a big part of my life.

We had beautiful weather at the weekend. Tom and the boys and I cycled into Brighton - we went to the pier because Tom has never been there! We also had dinner and went to the cinema. It was a lovely day.

Later, I was looking through some things and found a stone that had been found in my old dog who died 15 years ago and her name tag. Jacob said that's the sort of thing you should keep forever. I said what happens when forever ends? He said he would keep it in his memory box.

I went to bed thinking I really enjoy my life and I so love all the people in it. I don't understand why I have to die so soon. The next day Jacob asked me how old he would be when I stopped giving him a Christmas stocking. I said you are never too old and then realised I wouldn't be around to ensure that tradition.

One evening this week I stayed up working after Tom and the boys had gone to bed. I noticed the clock ticking. It sounded really loud and I wondered if it was a message. I think I had tried to do too much that day and was exhausted.

It's hard finding time for me, Tom and the boys.